Showing posts with label goats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goats. Show all posts

Friday, December 30, 2011

Day Two-Hundred-Seventeen, Princesses and Peas

Gosh, but I miss my REI-brand self-inflating foam core air mattress.  If I misspell the odd word, if there are gaps in my logic, if my poetry sometimes falls flat, understand that I am typing all of this in my tent.  With my thumbs, no less, after having spent most of my day on the road.  That thin inch of cushion made all the difference.  It made me feel loved.

Not well loved, certainly, but every little bit helps.  I am still carting around its shrivelled corpse.  It is hard to say goodbye.  I am still sleeping on it, as a matter of fact.  I am not wholly sure why.  It does nothing to ease my weary bones.  It does not make typing any easier.

I was uncomfortable last night, at least I think I was.  I was asleep through most of it.  It was hard to get up in the morning.  I rely on that spring of foam rubber to sit me upright in bed.  Now I am forced to do a sit-up.  That is no way to start the day.

I did have some trouble falling asleep, and not because the ground was hard.  I was besieged by chirruping critters, some sort of chipmunk, I guess.  But I have my suspicions.  It could have been gators trying to lure me outside.

The truth is I don't know much about gators.  I may know more than you.  They like marshmallows and tuba music.  Look it up if you don't believe me.  And I know they are soulless killing machines, bent on my violent destruction.

I suppose that's all I need to know.  That and that they are good hiders.  Crafty masters of disguise.  They could be anywhere.  Even now.  Watching.  Waiting their chance.  Hook was misunderstood.

I was reflecting today.  The bears didn't get me when I walked through Montana.  I haven't been eaten by rattlesnakes.  Maybe my fears are all wrong.  But Florida has bears and snakes as well.  And man-eating poisonous toads.  And gators, of course.  The people are nice, but they're living right on the edge.

I woke up early.  I could have done with a Fruit Pie but it was a beautiful morning.  Warm with friendly clouds in the sky.  My pack felt a little heavy.  I did my best to ignore it but I was really hungry.  Starved when I got to Cottondale.  There was there nothing to eat.  But I had two biscuits at a gas station, with something called "chicken fried steak."

It is neither steak nor chicken.  It is thoroughly fried.  It made a fairly good breakfast.  Heavy, at any rate.  That's what I'm looking for.  I don't want the weight of the world on my back.  I want some of it in my belly.  It takes my mind off other things, like how blasted hungry I am. 

There was nowhere to sit down.  I sat outside, on my pack beside the front door.  And watched the people come and go, looking like some kind of hobo.  Everyone was kind.  They all said hello.  In lieu of giving me change.

I had to linger there for a while.  I collected Bible tracts.  It is heartening to see how interested folks are in my Personal Salvation.  I was just trying to charge my computer.  The battery is awful low.  I cannot in this instance blame Samsung.  I've been spending too much time walking.

And not enough plugged in.  I'm running on fumes.  I could do with an overnight charge.  But it was too nice a day not to be walking.  I headed for Marianna.

My new friend Shelley said there was a Waffle House there.  That'll put a spring in your step.  I covered eight miles in two hours.  That is a blistering pace.  The exercise, though, killed my appetite.  When I got there I wasn't hungry.  So I had only one biscuit to go with my hash browns and eggs and sausage and toast.  And pie. 

I tried to stay there as long as I could.  I needed some more time plugged in.  And I had already put in sixteen miles.  Four more make an honest day.  I wound up walking six more miles.  It took four just to get out of town.

Big place, Marianna, Florida.  Population six-thousand or so.  You can tell it has been there a while, almost two-hundred years.  There are some beautiful houses on main street.  It's a five-lane highway now.  But they're still pretty and well maintained, despite the traffic noise.

There was a Civil War battle fought there.  It was late in the war.  The Union went down to free some slaves and make them join their army.  They were met by a gaggle of boys and old men and one or two wounded veterans.  Who got their shots in but they still lost.  It is probably for the best.  Well into the Twentieth Century they maintained the ugly habit of lynching people, but they don't do that any more.  That is also for the best.

I got out of town over a river and past a good-sized lake.  Clean, too.  You could see down to the bottom.  I did not see any gators.  I did see an enormous fish.  I don't know what kind it was.  It was not silvery; it had big scales.  It had your standard fishy shape and had to be four feet long.

Gosta keep them gators fed, I guess.

Find me now in a housing development some miles east of town.  They surveyed the place and bulldozed some roads and gave it up as a bad job.  It's all overgrown and somewhat spooky.  It would be a good place to race dirt bikes.  Or shoot off guns or drink underage beer.  I tucked myself deep in a thicket.  And spent half an hour pulling up weeds and clearing a spot for my tent.  It is still awfully lumpy and very hard.  Gosh, I miss my air mattress.


MARIANNA'S famous Motel Sandusky did not have one single guest.  Go figure.  Had I been so inclined I could have got a great deal there.

A LOT of people around here keep goats.  It is disturbing, given the rumours.


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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Day Two-Hundred-Fourteen, Chautauqua

Defuniak Springs, Florida was founded as a resort town.  People came from all over to attend lectures and swim in their little pond.  They don't come much now but it's holding up.  I am camped in the center of town.  Or not too far off.  Hobo style.  Nobody knows that I'm here.

That took some doing but I've got skills.  I'm awfully glad that I do.  I was afraid I might get stuck in a motel.  I hadn't meant to come quite this far.  There is not always room for my tent in a city.  Indoor living takes cash.  I'm only two days stinky.  I want to really get ripe before I spring for a shower.

I walked almost two dozen miles today.  I do not know what I was thinking.  I've been too long off the road.  I'm in no kind of shape.  I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Hell, I'm sore now.  If that's okay.  I'm hesitant to mention these things.  You want Beauty and Magic, a new sense of God, from your walker across America.  It's a Spiritual Journey, you want me to say.  You don't want to hear about pooping.  Or blisters or Samsung or my odd aches and pains.  Tell us more about the sunsets.

There are sunsets, sure.  You have them where you are.  And I've gained an insight or two.  But I was not entirely thoughtless or vapid when I was living at home.

What makes this unique is the blisters, the bone-crushing pain in my feet.  The not knowing where I'll find my next food or water or where I will set up my tent.  The rest is a scenic holiday.  I've met some awful nice folks.  What wisdom I've gained is of no use to you.  Conjure your own philosophies.

That said, I did have a very nice day.  I was in pain most of the time.  My feet hurt like they did in the days before my arch supports.  I'm hesitant to mention them, as well.  They sound like an old man thing.  But they were for many thousands of miles the very saving of me.  Maybe they've worn out.  Or maybe I have.  Podiatry is a black art.

I was up early in a very nice spot.  I got a solid nine hours.  Or think I did.  I don't remember a thing from the time my head hit the pillow.  Or the balled up sweatshirt that takes its place.  I'm roughing it out here.

I had cookies for breakfast and again for lunch.  I'm afraid they are almost gone.  I'm chewing on a fruit cake now.  I wish every day were Christmas.

I walked in the ditch most of the day.  It was a nice ditch as ditches go.  The grass was short and the ground was smooth.  It kept me off of the highway.  Which has a nice shoulder but I was not in the mood to keep an eye out for traffic.  Sometimes it is nice just to walk without worrying about being murdered.

I must say they went quickly, these many long miles.  It is nice to be walking again.  There were low purple clouds.  The trees around here are covered with hanging moss.  The breeze blows warm and cold.  The sun came and went.  I did not put on my warm shirt.  I didn't want to get it all sweaty.  I knew I would need it tonight.

It is down in the thirties again.  Life ain't all sunshine and daisies.  But I am snug in my teddy bear pants.  I'm glad I did not send them home.  I've got a few more miles before I'm in the Florida that you like to see on TV.  The one with the palm trees and the bikini girls.  The one where the weather is fine.

There is a beach here.  The whole state is beach.  Florida is made out of sand.  So is Nebraska if you're keeping track, at least when you get up north.  It has made my tent just a little bit gritty.  I'm feeling it in my teeth.  But such is life, such is life.  I cannot complain.  It's the price I pay for adventure.


"DIBBITY dibbity dibbity-dibbity Pensacola.  Dibbity dibbity dibbity-dibbity eighty-two years old!"  -- spoken by a very old man at a gas station in a strong Florida accent.

CHEERS TO Miss Deborah who made my lunch.  She is a grandmother.  And younger than me and much better looking.  She got a running start.

"You must have broken some hearts," she told me.  I don't think I have.  If I did, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to.  If it helps, I'm lonesome as hell.

SOMEWHERE in these woods live the "goatf***ers."  There's a whole tribe of them.  They keep getting themselves hauled into court for loving their goats too much.  As long as it's consensual, I offered.  I have libertarian views.  No, I was told.  There was psychic damage.  "They really messed those goats up."


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Monday, May 30, 2011

Day Three, Goats Gruff

Find me under a bridge or next to one outside of what might be Carnation, Washington. I have walked something like twenty-five miles. I didn't mean to, of course. I thought I would stop at eighteen or so and ask some friendly landowner to let me set up my tent.

In daylight, you understand, the way I practiced it. On a soft patch of ground with flowers around and maybe a puppy to play with. But I didn't meet any landowners, at least not friendly ones. A woman at an RV park offered me tent space for forty bucks. She had a spittle moustache and the place looked like something Scooby and the Gang ought to be looking into one of these days. Later a man with an obscenely neat little beard looked at me like I was a hobo. And I showered and shaved this morning. He smelled like beefy curry.

I did meet some nice folks--on bicycles, no less. I must endeavour to conquer my predjudices against the cycling breed. And I walked through Issaquah which I had always dismissed as another ghastly suburb of Seattle but which is in fact a charming little town. A bit self-consciously, perhaps, but I wasn't there long enough to question their sincerity.

And I learned a few things, namely:
*Lutheran churches are always built on the left side of the road, facing downhill. God only knows why.
*Nothing good ever comes with a road with the word "hill" in its name. "So-and-so Hill Road" or "Such-and-such Mountain Highway"... forget about it.
*Goats poop more like dogs than they do horses, but they lack the dog's endearing sense of shame.

So on that bright and educational note, I will let you go. Thanks for tuning in.

Found: two dimes, one penny
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